I seem to be surrounded by death these days even if mostly in my peripheral vision. Although not family or a friend I was really saddened by the passing of Ryan Karazija of Low Roar which i've enjoyed the voice of faithfully for the last decade. I listened to his first album when i was struck with seasonal depression and it has since then been a stable every year when the days started getting shorter. now I find myself in the grip of winter again, I'm sending applications for months of unpaid internship work, i haven't drawn in months, even thinking about taking a walk or watching a movie makes me want to sleep for hours. i'm always tired and my hands are always cold. i occilate between being numbed out and wondering if there's a point to all of this. i'm trying to read more to make the time pass and root myself in reality, ironic as it sounds. anyway today's song is a song i used to listen to in the dark:

caught a mild case of covid about two weeks ago which gave me a good break from work and also gave me an excuse to dodge a wedding i'd have to travel abroad to attend, would've completely nuked my bank account. Sadly I spent the entire time in quarantine drawing and now I have really bad wrist pain:^-) It's only been 2 days of not using my hand at all and I'm just about completely shriveled up and ready to die. I got into a really good groove and instantly got punished. so I'm spending today taking a look at my music library and if I could reduce my spotify usage a bit and return to the mp3 days. and it's... surprisingly hard! it takes a serious amount of effort to navigate bandcamp because the media player is just that shitty. but it *does* feel like I'm doing something good for myself and the world and so on so I'm gonna up my patience for this little project and report back

took a long break from creative side projects to figure stuff out since graduating, somehow having nothing to do took away all my motivation to spend time on the stuff i wanted a break to work on in the first place... I really want to put something out there but it's hard to stay consistent when all the days blend together. Also putting out tentative dates for shit feels kinda pointless because I never actually follow up on them lol.

on another note, my memory has been really terrible recently and i need to keep notebooks & diaries to remember things that happened. I think at some point it could be interesting to revisit the notebooks through art. I considered doing a dream diary since my dreams are so vivid recently and I had a lot of success keeping one in the past. I read that LSD dream emulator was based on an employee's dream diary and i'd fucking love to make a game experience similar to that

Been a while since I took a look at this site but since finishing thesis I've had more time on my hands. trying to put together all this code with my lack of coding skills is pretty fun until the whole thing just breaks